Where’s the Starbucks in Yellowstone?

The Bozeman Daily Chronicle found the following reviews of Yellowstone National Park in Google and Yelp.

It’s difficult to know if anonymous reviews are real – there’s always the possibility that some people think themselves clever (they’re not) with the following reviews.

On the other hand, if real, they sound like reviews written either by Millennials or people from New York.

In both cases, it’s no wonder climate change can’t get much attention – too many people are abiotic.

“I’d give it 5 stars. But the wifi was terrible.”

“There’s no Starbucks for a hundred miles around. No street-side falafel stands (the park ranger said something about bears tragically ending the first experiment). They don’t let you swim in the spa pools. You can’t throw your trash onto the street like NYC. There’s nowhere to get a pastrami on rye at 2 a.m. It’s worse than Hoboken!”

“Old Faithful isn’t so faithful any more.”

“A steamy water hole and rabid deer aren’t that fun to see, I should have stayed at home.”

“The rangers therein were unfriendly and frankly rude. Looking back now, though, I can hardly blame them as they dealt with some of the remarkable idiocy we witnessed in the park — from triple-parked tourists (who we watched drinking tea from their parked car where they had boxed in another), hand-feeding the wild moose, to whole families drinking water straight from a bubbling stream (rampant diarrhea in your RV, anyone?)”

“My parents got a divorce after I got home from Yellowstone.”

“Trash everywhere. Rude staff. Aggressive bears and squirrels.”

“The stones aren’t even yellow!”

“Has a distinct lack of cell towers. I was not able to play Pokémon Go the whole time. No bars no stars.”

“The one thing that makes this place different from other parks is the geysers. I was extremely underwhelmed. They look SO much better in the pictures. If you want a similar look, just boil a pot of water at home … If you do decide to come here for god knows what reason, please come with your friends NOT your family. You’re going to be stuck in a prehistoric world with nothing to do and annoying tourists left and right, so you might as well come with people you like.”

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Tom

Author: Tom

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